Mar 25, 2010

She Speaks, You Speak

My friend Lisa Smith sent me a text to tell me about the She Speaks writing contest again this year. I quickly replied, “No, not doing that anymore. Not writing anymore. I’m done. There is no more purpose for my writing. My life is a wreck, and God can’t use me.” Then, I sat alone.

I sat alone like I’ve done many times over the last few months, contemplating turning off my blog. Just turn it off. I stopped publishing my writing because, the story was too hard to share with people that I might know. It seemed safer locked behind my computer password. Even the thought of my story on paper pages tucked on a shelf between hard book covers seemed easier to bear. To blog meant sharing too much of my sorrow with people I see and know personally, and my spirit was broken.

It’s hard to imagine that a year ago I wrote, “Take Five” for the She Speaks conference contest. I was five hours too late for the entry. I don’t even know if it was ever read. I chuckled as I thought about the contest, and my “Take Five” entry, because earlier in the day I was thinking about the last five years. There’s that number “5” again! I had been thinking about how the last five years have brought many life altering changes that have resulted in a downward spiral to the valley. I chuckled because, I felt like God was telling me to review those last five years, “Take Five,” and write again.

I reread Lisa’s text, “She Speaks.” It was at that moment that I knew God said, “You Speak. YOU SPEAK!” Every time that I’d start to push the button to turn off the blog, I felt a pang of guilt that I was disobeying my Father. I felt like God said, “I called you to speak. Own your trials! Find me in them! When you see me, you’ll see that the trials are a part of what brought you to me. I know he’s right. He is my Father. He is my God. The trials brought me closer to him in a way that I hope to share with you.

It's my desire that through the “She Speaks” conference, I can learn better how to share my story. I long too make connections with mentors and with editors. I pray that when my life is over, my story has been told and I can pass with the peace of knowing that I didn’t turn off the button and quit.

It’s easy to tell the story of Jesus, but to tell the story of how Jesus touched me is much more difficult. It means that my relationship moves from looking at a blinking curser, to looking into blinking eyes of a group of people that may judge my imperfect life. I prayed for a testimony over 20 years ago. He gave me one, and today I pray for the opportunity to bring God’s word and application to my life into a story to share with you.

Thank you for this opportunity to apply for a scholarship to the She Speaks conference, and for the women of Proverbs 31 Ministry. Your stories are inspiring and feed my spirit. It’s my prayer to feed others, too.