Feb 20, 2009

God Stop, Gage Hayes

I am so amazed how God works! Just when we think He isn't working in my life, He shows me that HE IS!

I'm still in my Beth Moore study, Living Free; and, I'm on week 2, "To Know and Believe Him." Last night at 3:00 a.m. I couldn't sleep, and I found myself studying His word as I so often do in the middle of the night. I think God wakes me between 3 and 5 for us to spend time alone. It's quiet then. The home is still. My children and husband sleep soundly, and I can spend time alone with God.

Beth's studies always challenge me with questions and scripture reading, and the study last night was challenging me to question whether or not I believe IN God, or truly BELIEVE GOD. I thought long and hard about each sentence, each question, each verse. I came to this conclusion:
"Believing IN God is believing in the theory that God is real. Believing God is living by faith that God can intervene, change things, make things happen, that our lives are blessed, and that He IS real."

I love college students. I'm so fortunate to have a staff of 14 college students working for me. I just adore them all. One of them left town night before last because her 6 year old brother became very ill. Within hours he was in ICU in Austin, then yesterday he was transported to Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. His liver has failed. He's been a healthy young boy, but suddenly became ill for no apparent reason.

This morning he was needing a liver transplant, which of course means that someone else would need to die in order for him to live. Taylor, my college student, and I began texting throughout the day. She would send me updates as to her brother's condition. I would send her encouragement. I found myself on my knees in my office, on my knees behind the bathroom door, on my knees in the model home, on my knees in the bathroom again. Just pleading with God, "I believe. Heal him. I believe. Heal my unbelief. I believe." I felt like the father in Mark 9:24, "I do believe..., help my unbelief." Even with that plea, Jesus healed the man's son.

Later that afternoon he was a tiny bit better, but not out of the woods. I was so scared to tell Taylor to believe God, I mean, what if Gage, her brother, died. How could I bare telling her that God still had a plan when her baby brother was not saved. I had to believe, 100%, that God would heal him. How could I believe with all of my heart when so many of my earnest prayers have gone unanswered? I just had to believe God.

So, I told Taylor to claim healing for her brother with me. I told her that he would not need a new liver. As I texted her those words she was texting me, "OMG, I just found out that he was moved out of ICU!"

We don't know what has gone wrong with Gage's liver, and we don't know what tonight will hold for him. We're believing in a miracle though. Just as I was saying to God, not 24 hours earlier, "Yes, Lord, I believe you can do all things," he opened a challenge to prove my belief. I'll call this event, "God Stop, Gage Hayes." Yes, miracles can happen. One is happening now. We're claiming it.

Feb 19, 2009

The Measure of God's Love

Someone recently told me that I was not blessed by God. I was asked, "Just look at your house, and look at mine. My house is so much nicer than yours. Who is God blessing? Me, not you."

This person went on to say how great their children were in comparison to the struggles that I have with mine, with schooling and the autism issues of Trent. My children were not blessed, but theirs were. Believe it or not, that comment came from a grown person that claims to be a Christian!

I'm way past the days of wondering if God loved me when I didn't get my way with my Heavenly Father! Had that comment been made years ago, I might have been sad and considered the thought that God didn't find me worthy of blessing; however, I know My God well enough to know that His love isn't measured by earthly gifts.

I've found the blessing in the gentle childlike spirit of my child that may never grow old in his heart and mind. I've learned that in every struggle has a silver lining, and that silver lining is my Lord shining through the darkness in this fallen world.

The Bible study that I am in asked this question the same night that the above for mentioned comments were made to me. The question was, "How is intimacy with God different from the goal of being good enough to be acceptable to God?

My answer is this: We can't trust those that don't accept us. If we trust that God loves us even in our sinful nature, then we break down the wall to allow communication. When we are free to communicate with God, we trust in Him, and form intimate bonds with our Lord.

Our relationship with God is not about God showing us how much He loves us by answering our prayers and desires, even when our prayers are for truly honorable things. Even when our requests are for things like healing of our children, or our bodies, or relationships being restored, go unanswered, God loves us.

God has shown me that my relationship with Him is about trusting and loving Him no matter what the answer, no matter how I think things should turn out. It is about believing in God's will, even when I think I know how things should be.

God's love can't be measured by His answers, or lack of answers! His love can not be measured by financial blessings or physical well being. His love is measured by the cross, one stretched arm to the other; and, by how much of that love WE choose to accept. By how close to the cross we choose to step, and whether or not we step close enough to let Christ's cleansing act, the blood of the Lamb, drip into our lives and wash our sins white as snow.

Feb 16, 2009

Little Guy, Big Mind

Reading over this entry, it seems kind of dry. I really wanted to blog this thought that occurred to me tonight, though.

Tonight, I enjoyed coloring with Seth. As I watched my 3 year old guy color, I was fascinated by how smart he seems. I really enjoyed watching how intently he studied the lines and tried his hardest to stay within them. It occurred to me, that even though I have a house full of boys, it has been 13 years since I sat and colored with a 3 year old. Chase was 5 when I married his daddy, and Trent was not like a regular 3 year old.

Coloring with Seth tonight reminded me of playing with Aaron and Trevor when they were little. It was a bitter sweet moment, reminding me of how much Trent struggled with learning and how much he skipped as a little guy. But, it was also a telling moment of how Seth is so smart and normal.

In fact, watching Seth grow, I see that even at 3 he has outgrown Trent and Rob in so many ways. I believe as he grows he will continue to outgrow them. The dynamics of a family with a toddler and two older children that have learning disorders is interesting at the least. While Seth is smaller and has not experienced what the older boys have in life, he already seems wiser in conversation and sense.

Feb 13, 2009

The Battle Plan

I often compare the battles that were fought in the Bible to my daily battles, battles at work, battles at home, and life in general. This morning, I was studying 2 Chronicles 20:20-30. It is part of a study from Beth Moore, and my Jr. high/high school youth leader Julie Jordan-Woodruff, called "Living Free." These are my thoughts as I read the versus and compared them to today's life.

What if we took Jehoshaphat's steps to winning a battle into our own world, and even the corporate world? King Jehoshaphat had a battle strategy that started with praise and worship to our Lord. Early in the morning he rose. He met with his people, encouraged them and told them to have faith in their Lord their God. Jehoshaphat told them that if they did have faith in the Lord that he would uphold them.

During his consultation with his people he appointed some to praise and sing to the Lord. These people went before the army, leading them to the battle. Can you imagine being on the praise and worship team, walking into a battle with nothing in your hand but a trumpet and a song!

As they began to sing and praise, before they arrived at the battle scene, the battle was over. The groups that formed against the people of Jerusalem annihilated each other in confusion. The Bible says that the Lord set up ambushes and they destroyed one another.

How many trials have I faced with more worry in my heart than praise in my voice? How many times have I faced turmoil with my heart full of anger, resentment, or self sorrow? Time, after time, I think my battle has been more of a plea with the Lord instead of claiming the victory before the battle was started.

The men of Judah came to the place that overlooked the desert, and they looked toward the vast army, but they saw nothing but dead bodies lying on the ground. No one had escaped. Then the men of Judah collected the plunder, clothing, equipment, and articles of clothing. It took them three days to carry off the goods.

They gathered the goods, and then praised the Lord some more! When they returned home, "joyfully," they praised the Lord in his temple with music.

Let's see, they sang and praised the Lord, came across the battle already fought, walked away with goods, without loss of life. Then they went home and praised the Lord in his temple, and lived in peace! Now that's the way to win a battle!

I love the last part of the story. The Bible says, "Fear came to their enemies, and the kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace, for the Lord had given them rest on every side."

Sometimes a little discipline of a few people sets the tone for others that might have been on the edge of raging war. I think that people will often choose keeping the peace rather than raging war when they see others victorious.

My message and battle plan is this:
  1. Rise early in the morning
  2. Encourage one another
  3. Have faith in the Lord
  4. Consult one another in your life and determine to praise and sing to the Lord
  5. Put your praise before your sword, believing in the Lord
  6. Reap the rewards
  7. Praise some more
  8. Enjoy the peace and rest that the Lord gives

Feb 9, 2009

Not Tonight!

I want to Blog! I really do, but it seems impossible! One boy is three and one's nine, but they're both screaming, "It's mine!" The toy pull is on, and I'm off to control. Okay, I'm back, but not for long. My thoughts are distracted, I can't seem to think! There's so much I'd like to "blog" today, but the only words I seem to relay are ecoed in this house, into empty space, and falling on deaf ears! I can't stay up late. There's just no way tonight. So, I'm making the choice to hang onto my thoughts, pray the Lord keep them living while I go raise my children. The day will come when life will change and I'll have time for blogging, but for now, for tonight, I choose my boys.