Jesus Knows

I've had my moments when the thoughts of having a child with something wrong has crept into a reality. My child has had his moments of realization that something bad has gone on with him. Accepting reality was a process. We put the puzzle pieces of events and behaviors together. Over time, as we gained more insight to my son's problems and autism, we came to a realization that life was not going to be simple.

I wonder if Jesus had moments and thoughts like these as he grew up from a baby to a young man. I wonder if there was a moment as he learned about the shedding of blood for sin, that a sinking realization hit in the depths of his soul. I've imagined Jesus might have been praying in one of his moments of solitude when the puzzle pieces came together in his mind.

No one but God was there to tell him that He was to be the sacrifice. There was no doctor to say, by the way, you're going to have to die for our sins in this journey of life. No, I think that he was alone in prayer, pondering the scriptures, praying to his Heavenly Father, and putting the pieces together.

I imagine Jesus walking home from the garden praying. Surely, he was a young teenager. May be he was the age that Mary was when she found out that she was to give birth to the Messiah that he realized HE was going to be the sacrifice, the shed blood for our sins.

What a long walk from that garden. He probably felt an ache in the depth of his soul. His heart was in his stomach. I imagine as he walked from the garden to his home that he passed some children laughing and playing. He watched his mother prepare dinner for a moment, and then slipped out the door to stand by Joseph. Picking up the hammer, may be he just began working side by side with his earthly dad in silence, pondering the thoughts that have burdened his soul.

I don't know if those are the events that transpired, but I do know this. His burden was more for us than for himself. If he had heard children laughing and playing as he walked home from a time in the garden alone with God, I'm certain that he thought, "I'll do this for you." He might have kissed his mother's cheek and thought to himself, "I love you, and I'll sacrifice for you." Certainly, if he did stand by Joseph and work with him in silence his thought was, "I'll build a kingdom for you."

Even in our own disappointing and painful realizations and moments, Jesus was there. He's walked the path before us. He has felt our concerns, and he feels our hurts. He knows just where you are in your darkest thoughts, and can meet you there.